On failure

Despite our best efforts, everyone one of us is going to encounter failure.

School, work, hobbies, traffic, family, friends, at some point you are going to try to do something and you will not be able to do it.

For the longest time I heard the phrase "Failure builds character" and "You learn from failure, this is how you get better." I had always believed that there was a very direct application from those messages, that things aren't that bad and you should enjoy the opportunity to improve. That you should smile the whole way down, because you had just been given a glorious chance to learn and get better. My belief was that the takeaway should be "Don't let things get you down," that shortcomings and disappointment should be welcomed with wide open arms. If something is hard, smile, you'll be better for having persevered.

It is worth noting that I have experienced my share of failures. I have recently graduated with an Economics degree, believing that I had done "the right thing" for a middling entry level position doing financial analysis. Despite solid references, oil and gas experience, a long list of organizations I have volunteered for, and 70+ job applications, I am still working retail. When I do not move my hands for a while they ache to move, a product of dozens of fractures through my hands as a result of Kali. My right knee has a shooting pain if I twist it wrong, my right eye does not open as wide as my left following multiple impacts to the head and my rotator cuff still features a laughable chunk of scar tissue masquerading as a tendon. On a personal level, I have seen countless friendships turn sour and even violent following conflicts and confrontations ranging from stupid and childish to unsettling and depraved. I have said things I want to reel back into my mouth instantly, and not said things that would have traded pride for friendship. My relationship with women, on a grand scale, is kind of messed up and on a specific level has been disastrous to the point of comedy.

I have screwed a lot of things up. A lot of things have gone wrong. Currently, I feel like I couldn't buy a win to save my life, like I'm running out of things to go wrong.

I like to think that I'm now hitting the stage of maturity where I can "get" it. Historically I look back ~5 years and laugh at how immature I was, so hopefully this will not be one of those occasions.

You don't buy success with failure. Failure sucks. Failure is horrible. It pounds away at your self esteem, it eats away at your conscience and it drags you kicking and screaming into despair. You should never welcome failure or smile at its presence. Knowing that you can grow from it does not make it better. It is not an opportunity to improve, that opportunity was always there, it is letting you know that you wasted an opportunity. In every way you should work as hard as you can to not fail.

It serves one purpose. It teaches you how good success feels.

You don't drive through pain and despair to say "Golly gee, I can't wait to come back again later and succeed." No man in a marathon has said "Well I'm running a massive disappointment, I can't wait until next marathon when I'm awesome." No boxer has every said "Shoot, he's better than me. Guess this is my cue to shape up and improve." No, you say "I am not going through this to lose." You go out on your shield. What you have at the end is the thought "If failure feels this bad, how good will a win feel?"

Failure sucks. Success is wonderful. You can't know one without the other. Advice that trivializes defeat suggests that failure is okay. Failure isn't okay, it is simply neccessary. You focus on winning now, and if you can't then you think about how good it will feel to win later. Then go make it happen.


[mic drop]

Weird vocal cadence OUT