Boy howdy, I sure am pretty freakin' awful as consistently blogging. Is this a sign of larger commitment issues? I hope not. Only time will tell if this plot twist leads to a fascinating narrative.
I just had to crank out this conversation though, because good lawdy I couldn't believe it actually happened. The NAMELESS COMPANY for which I currently work supplies customers with paper tape measures in order for them to measure anything they so desire. Obviously, the paper is an excellent material for this as it is super cheap to produce, recyclable and not at all cumbersome. As anyone who has handled paper knows, sometimes the stupid stuff cuts you and it hurts like a bitch.
The following conversation is as close to an authentic reproduction as I can write 24 hours later.
Customer 1: Excuse me, come over here I would like to talk to you.
Customer 2: (who has a paper cut): Oh no...
Me: How can I help you?
Customer 1: I want you to register our complaint. Your tape measures are a hazard! My friend is hurting right now and this should never have happened.
Me: I'm not following.
Customer 1: Your tape measures are too sharp!
Me: Are you okay [customer 2]?
Customer 2: I'm fine. I did have a question about a ch-
Customer 1: This is a serious complaint!
Me: Sir, we can't control the properties of paper. Papercuts happen.
Customer 1: I do not care! [NAMELESS COMPANY] is a very large company and should be able to find a solution!
Customer 2: About the chai-
Customer 1: Are you taking this seriously or are you just laughing at me?
Me: As previously mentioned, we can't make paper not act like paper. Now what was your question about the chair?
Customer 1: I will be complaining to your head office!
I can't make this stuff up. Good grief. This man has inspired me to go skating and then complain to the rink manager that the ice is too slippery and hard.
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